I took a bite and a pain pulsed through my body like I had never felt before and I knew right then that I could no longer neglect myself and I had to handle this no matter the cost. I checked my bank account balance and started to cry uncontrollably because there was just no money. Let’s take a trip to the beginning….. it was my senior year in high school and I got a cavity that my parents paid to have fixed. Fast forward a year later and the cavity fell out and back to the dentist I go, to find out that they would only fix the cavity after I paid the $420 on updated pictures and cleaning (no insurance) for my teeth. Of course this broke college student didn’t have that kind of money so it got pushed off, fast forward about 6 months and that wonderful tooth cracked. ugh… I still had no money and still no dental insurance so once again I pushed my needs to the side and focused on the more important things in my life. Once again we fast forward a few years and I now have a baby, husband, just starting my career and that very painful tooth that bothered me every day. I bear through each day by taking lots of over the counter pain pills and numbing it as much as possible with Orajel. Then one day this all comes crashing in my lap when I start having incredible pain in my stomach and learn I have stomach ulcers due to an allergic reaction to aspirin from all those pain pills. I still have no health or dental insurance because I was a freelance designer. But it had finally gotten to the point where I could no longer ignore my needs and I head to the dentist to fix that tooth, to get off the pain pills and heal the ulcers. I get a root canal done and a cap put on and for the first time since freshman year of college, I start having some relief from teeth pain. Unfortunately it was all short lived when the cap fell off and another chunk of the tooth broke off. We had just spent thousands of dollars on my teeth and it was pretty much all for nothing. The conversations about me spending thousands more did not go over well so I did what I do best and threw my needs to the side and focused on everyone else and began the 5 year journey of not eating on an entire side of mouth so that I didn’t cause fights or come across as to needy.
And here we are back to the beginning of the story when I told you that the pain got crazy worse because guess what, that gross black tooth broke once again and this time it was under my gums and a sharp part of my tooth was stabbing my gums. I borrow some money and head to the cheapest place I could find to get what was left of the tooth removed. Which of course they took one look at that and refused to help me and sent me to an oral surgeon. I tried to go a week with ignoring the pain because I knew what an oral surgeon without dental insurance would cost. But the pain was to much to bear and I reluctantly made the appointment. Due to no insurance the entire procedure had to be paid for upfront before they would take it out. Over the next few months, I sold as many of my belongings as I could, worked lots of extra hours and came up with the few thousand dollars to have the tooth and 2 others removed.
I tell you this crazy story because this tooth has taught me more than I can truly explain. I would always blame something for neglecting ME, having no money, no insurance, or my husband upset about needing to spend thousands more on me. But the truth is, I believed I wasn’t worthy enough to deserve thousands of dollars spent on me. I believed that I was being a selfless person by neglecting my needs and putting others needs above my own. YOU ARE WORTH THE MONEY!!!! If we are truly honest with ourselves, many of us throw our needs on the back burner. Maybe not to this extreme but I truly believe a large majority of us are recovering people pleasers and at some point in our life, we were made to believe and told that we were being to needy when we asked for things, especially if they cost a lot of money. Maybe you aren’t at a place where you struggle with money but I am a broke single mom that struggles each and every month to provide basic things for my children. But the difference is now after this long very painful journey I put myself through, I decided to change my thinking. Instead of saying, we don’t have the money. I change my mind set to how am I going to get the money. I don’t want my children to ever believe that they have to suffer in pain because I don’t have the money. We are worth the inconvenience and the money. What are you neglecting in your life? Are you putting yourself last and suffering? Its time to put your needs first and yank your neglected “tooth” out.